Checking Your Relational Pulse

Although technology may be only one of many things getting in the way of connection, we each have our own issues that tend to degrade our experiences of true connection. They may substitute connections in the form of distractions, addictions, busy-ness and popularity. They may involve over-eating, over-sleeping, and overspending. They may come in the form of angry outbursts, depression, irritable moods and anxiety disorders including panic attacks, obsessive disorders and the like. The enemy of our souls is disconnected from God and strives to get us to believe his lies that it is better, safer, and less restricting to remain in that state of disconnect. We need to always pray for wisdom and discernment. This is where the real battle begins. The problem is that all of these false attachments actually hijack the attachment centers of our brains and make the false attachment feel real. The “feel good” hormones are released just as readily when a person views pornography as when they try to connect with their husband or wife in a real and life giving way, which actually takes more time and uses relational skills that some of us may not yet have. Notice I said “yet”. The good news is that the brain is wired to learn new relational skills until the day we die. And when we learn them, it keeps us in a happy and joyful state much longer than the fake connections do, which wear off very quickly. We truly are not designed for false substitutes, we are made for the real thing.

So how does this translate into real life? How do we get ready to make the baby step back into real connection and away from false connections that hijack the attachment center of our brains? When I first started trying to really hear from God and connect with Him in a more relational, emotional way, it didn’t go very well. I kept hearing one word for many months, the word “fire.” I wondered, is He trying to warn me about something? Is my house going to catch on fire? Am I going to die in a fire? I kept asking God questions from my fear based posture, as He loves us to do, and He led me into a Bible study regarding that word that revealed aspects of His character that I was missing. He revealed to me that He was not a God of “fire and brimstone” whom I needed to fear in an unhealthy way, but a God who would burn down anything in the way of a connecting with me, including the places I was hiding from Him and the lies I had come to believe about Him. I began to see God, and all the things He does in the Old and New Testament 2 ALIGN WITH GOD MINISTRIES that didn’t make much sense to me and seemed at times too “extreme”, through more of a relational lens. The unhealthy fears I had of Him since childhood began to melt away as I saw the passionate love that drives His pursuit of mankind, at the heart of everything He does. I began to trust Him more, and as a result I could relax in His presence. I lost my fear of what He would do to me, require of me, expect from me. I was simply His beloved.

Although this process took many years for me, with new awareness and breakthroughs in brain science and Christian formation available today, the process can be shortened. However, just as it takes time to build a muscle at the gym, there are no real shortcuts to building these relational muscles. Finding or creating sustainable communities with like-minded interests is the first step in the journey. Learning tools from these communities is key, so that your connection to God can be a Biblical and safe journey that is both life-giving, sustainable and transmittable to future generations, and to your old age and beyond. We all want to leave a legacy. What greater legacy is there but helping others stay attached to God and loved ones throughout their lives in ways that create and renew life? It is within these attachments that we find our true identity, our God-given destinies, and the authority and confidence to step out and do the works God has given us to do from a place of secure love, and apart from driven legalism.